I heard a news report this morning about controversy over allowing women to drive in Saudi Arabia. I had a flashback to my last trip to Armenia, where the children I worked with saw a woman driving into the camp and all ran to get a look, because they had never seen a woman driving before. And I thought about how I tried to explain to them that in many countries around the world, it's very normal for women to drive, and they just looked at me like I had 5 heads, even when I told them that I myself drove and owned a car. Then, and now, what overwhelms me the most is the feeling that the gap is too wide between their mentality and my Western one. I don't know how to explain gender equality as progress and as a positive thing, and maybe even as something that's necessary.

And I think, especially, about what happens to women, or any minority, when they are caged and suppressed for too long. They forget who they really are. They stop listening to the voice inside that tells them that they are human beings who have worth, and they start listening to the voices of men who tell them they are second-class citizens.

My prayer tonight is for women.

Newspapers have a way of showing us the popular perception of things.

Today's Metro newspaper did a little comical blurb about "Where does President Bush's career go from here? We have a few ideas..." They had some fun with photoshop, with pictures of Dubya as a clown, dictionary editor, televangelist in a white robe, FBI profiler, and American Idol judge. For each choice, under each picture, they explained the reason why Georgie would be a good fit in these various occupations. (e.g. the dictionary editor was "If you can rewrite history, you sure as hell can rewrite the English language. 'Misunderestimated' and 'sovereigninity' are good starters." The FBI profiler was "It's the best way to continue probing people's personal lives without having to ask permission. And you are the law, so it's easy to deny people their freedom.")

Under the televangelist, it said:
"You love God. You love guns. You hate gays. You won't get a better audience than the Sunday morning gospel shows. So put on that robe and preach that hate in the name of the Lord."

It makes me so, so sad that this is the popular misconception of Christians. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the Republicans have kidnapped and raped the Christian faith for their own political gain. Not all Christians are gun-wielding, war-loving, gay-hating, judgmental, out-to-save-you, hateful radicals. George W. Bush has shat on his own religion and butchered it and displayed it to the masses. It's as violating as taking somebody's relative, decapitating them, then mounting their head on a stake and planting it in the person's front yard. The God that most Christians know and love does not love guns and does not hate gays. And most of all, the Christian God does not hate any human being, because they are all created in the divine's own image.

Mood swing, defined:

Yesterday's menu: dumplings, bagel with cream cheese, the entire dish of pad thai, ice cream sandwich, bag of popcorn.

Today's menu: apple, banana, soup & salad, 2 sushi rolls.

I think I'm feeling a little better today.

I'm very sad right now.

There are tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. I see the same injustice over and over again, and I'm witnessing it right now. And it hurts. When I see women treated as less than the fully dignified human beings that they are, a part of me dies. And when I happen to be one of those women, it makes me want to scream.

Great job, Sarah Palin, in taking the low road and totally bashing your unnamed "opponent" in your acceptance speech tonight. (I'd like to add that her opponent, whose name is actually Barack Obama, maintained complete respect for his opponent throughout his acceptance speech last week. That's called the high road.) I only heard fear in her speech, fear of the truth that she is a very weak candidate. Funny, in the Christian tradition we know that fear is the absence of love. And there was very little love and compassion in her speech tonight. If there was any hope of finding it, it was completely lost in this insulting comment about her experience as a small-town mayor compared to her "opponent's" experience as a community organizer. "I guess being a small-town mayor is sort of like being a community organizer, except you have actual responsibilities." My reaction to this comment was similar to the sensation of projectile vomiting, not only because it made me sick, but too many things were spewing out of my brain at once as my ears took it in. For a more accurate understanding of the responsibilities of a community organizer and the compassion it involves, I refer you to this post.

I'll save my spewage of thoughts about my disgust over the myopic and false rhetoric about our victories at war with a dangerous world for another time.

I had so many thoughts about the new Republican Vice-Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, but as it turns out, Jon Stewart said it all for me.



And as you all know, runner-up for the Democratic presidential nomination Hillary Clinton gave an excellent speech at the DNC last week, challenging her supporters to consider the reasons they supported her: was it who she was, or the issues she cared for? "Were you in this for me, or for a candidate who would fight for universal health care, bring our troops home, ensure a quality education for all our children, and so on?" she asked the audience. (I'm paraphrasing a bit here)

In Sarah Palin's acceptance speech, she "thanked" Hillary Clinton for all her hard work in putting 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling before slapping her in the face and saying, "But it turns out the women of America aren't finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all!" Yeah, because you worked JUST as hard as Hillary to get on that ticket.

I have to thank Samantha Bee for so comically pointing out the obvious. Do Sarah Palin and John McCain really think the "women of America," especially those who supported Hillary Clinton, are that stupid and shallow, and that irresponsible as voters? That they would vote for a candidate who opposes rights for women, simply because she is a woman? The very definition of a feminist is someone who stands for equal treatment for women and men. That not only means we feminists will vote for candidates who treat women equally, but that we will not discriminate between candidates based on their gender. Wake up, McCain, and give women some credit.

I just realized... I'm Dr. Dillamond.

If you haven't seen the Broadway musical Wicked, then go see it, and you'll know what I'm talking about.

It stinks to realize you have become a shadow of what you once were.

Sometimes
there is justice in the world, so beautiful and sweet that it fills you with an almost foolish sense of hope.

Sometimes
there's no justice at all, and you think you might just waste away wondering why.

Red flag alert: 2 more red flags have gone up over things I've seen recently on TV that are, frankly, scaring the crap out of me.

One is this commercial:



We have now taken the superwoman mom/housewife/working woman to the next level. Notice Kelly Ripa does it ALL! Cooks dinner, feeds the dog, hosts a sleepover, tosses the kids their gummy worms, entertains a houseful of guests, looks for monsters under the bed with the kids... all after running home after a day at her high-profile job. One question: WHERE IS HER HUSBAND IN ALL THIS?

Two is the TV show "Samantha Who." The main character, Samantha, has two friends, both of whom are so typecast and stereotypical that they aren't enjoyable in the least. One is so shallow that she isn't believable as a human being, and the other is the stereotyped "fat girl." This is scaring me. She is dorky, shy, awkward, naive and gullible, desperate for friends, and unintelligent. Sort of the stereotypical portrayal of the "fat kid" in a TV show from 20 years ago. It makes me want to vomit, frankly, that in this day and age, television is STILL portraying overweight women as socially, intellectually, and romantically inept.

I am scared shitless. I am scared that we live in a country where women's value and worth as HUMAN BEINGS is in the middle of a landslide of epic proportions. Instead of seeing more examples of successful, intelligent women of all shapes and sizes, and instead of seeing women and men working side by side together in partnership, we are seeing more and more advertising showing women in roles we have been fighting against since the birth of feminism. Feminism has worked so hard to remind people that women's worth cannot be reduced to roles of homemaker and vixen, but if we look at advertising today, those are the only traits that seem to be desirable in women anymore. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY??? WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

Beware, something feminist this way comes.

I am thirsting for good roles for women on television shows. Maybe I'm inspired by some of the broadway shows I've seen, where roles for women aren't as flat or unilateral. But I'm extremely discouraged by the fact that the only two shows about strong, successful women that have come onto network television, Commander in Chief and Cashmere Mafia, have been nixed. In both of these shows, the female protagonists were awesome. They were strong, confident, successful, intelligent, and always bested the men who tried to beat them. They had integrity, wit, drive, and humor. In short, they were winners. I loved watching these women, and I know a lot of other people did too. These were terrific shows that did well. But now, they're both off the air. Would it be a stretch to wonder if male television executives decided this wasn't stuff that people needed to see?

OK folks, I need to get something off my chest. I need to put it out there - even if only 3 people read this blog - because we need to be reminded that this country has not progressed as much as we may be led to believe. As someone who has spent her life in the worlds of the arts and religion, and as someone who is quite the feminist, I need to raise my voice. Why is it that these worlds are still so male-dominated? Think about the theatre. I look at directing, whether it's the theatre or film, and I'm hard pressed to find enough female directors to count on more than one hand. Think about music. I can't think of a single female conductor of an orchestra. Think about the church. Most church leaders - head pastors, bishops, etc. - are men. And now, I sit here and watch the Academy Awards. You know the drill: they save the important ones for last. So, I want to know why the award for best actress is given halfway through the night, but the award for best actor comes at the end. How far have we actually come, people? When are women going to be more than second-best?

On a recent flight, I had the opportunity to watch the movie "Evan Almighty." I'm going to be honest: the movie was abysmal. It was a waste of good acting talent and two hours of my life. However, it did have one moment of brilliance.

There is a scene where Lauren Graham (Joan) has left Steve Carrell (Evan) with their 3 sons in order to protect herself and their children, for fear Evan has gone insane. (Evan believes God wants him to build an ark to save the world from a flood that is coming on a certain day, September 22 or something.) They're in a restaurant, and the boys go to the bathroom and she's left alone for a few minutes. Morgan Freeman (God), dressed as a waiter, comes over to "take her refill order" and engages her in conversation. When she tells him about the dramatic turn her husband has taken, she says, "What do you think it is?" His answer is, "Opportunity." She looks at him curiously, and he continues. "When someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience, or an opportunity to learn patience? When someone prays for their family to grow closer (which she has prayed for in the beginning of the movie), do you think God gives them warm fuzzy feelings, or an opportunity to grow closer, side by side, like those animals who came on the ark?"

in a movie that was absolutely a waste of brain cells, that was a great point.

it also made the point that God has a master plan, even if we can't see it. All the disasters that happened to Evan and Joan's family ended up working out for the best, and giving them exactly what they had hoped for.

If only the rest of the movie hadn't been a total waste...

When the mail came today, it looked like an ordinary bundle - some bills, some junk, pleas from the ballet and the opera to continue donating to them. The last thing I came upon, tucked toward the back of the stack, was a notice from the post office that I had a package waiting for me. How exciting! Not only do I love getting packages in the mail, but I love the excitement of wondering who it might be from. I rushed to the post office and waited with anticipation while they retrieved a nicely sized box from the back. It was only when I looked at the return address on the box that I remembered a student I had been counseling had asked for my address. Wondering what she may have sent me, I hurried home to open my parcel. In it, I found a wrapped package and a letter. Resisting the temptation to open the package first, I reached for the letter and found a two-page eloquent thank you for all the help I had given her. In the envelope, she also included a friendship bracelet she had made. I couldn't even bring myself to open the package at that moment, because I felt so overwhelmed. Here was someone who I simply helped in a time of need, which in my mind, means I'm just doing my job. Little did I know how much it helped or meant to her, for the parcel that rested on the counter in front of me was such a generous effort to say thank you that I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Ministry is funny that way. You can only do what God has asked you to do, what Jesus has modeled for you to do - love others and reach out to those in need - and pray that God will use you to bring the necessary consolation or help into that person's life. I opened the package. It was a hoodie (my favorite) with the name of the student's college beautifully stitched across the front. To say that I was touched would be a dire understatement. I didn't even feel comfortable trying it on. It was as if fully receiving this gift of thanks would somehow be saying that I took credit for helping her. There was no way that I, left to my own merits, could have such deep impact on a person. I called her to thank her and tell her she didn't have to do that. She said that indeed, she did, because she owed me a lot. We argued about it a few times back and forth before we both gratefully said good night. It was only then that I removed my own sweatshirt, with the name of my graduate school printed across the chest, a name I had earned with excessive hours in the library and too many all-nighters to count, and tried on this piece of clothing that I still felt didn't belong to me. I looked in the mirror. There I was, just plain old me, but in someone else's clothing. Clothing I did not earn or deserve, despite what someone else might think. A wolf in sheep's clothing, maybe; it's not that much of a stretch. I felt like a misrepresentation of the institution scrawled across my chest. I remembered feeling like this before, when I tried on the spare habit of a nun friend, and the clerical collar of a minister friend, at times when I was considering those paths in ministry. The sight that greeted me in the mirror tonight was the same that greeted me then: that I was "clothed in righteousness" like the Psalms say, but that righteousness only went as deep as the fabric. I felt unworthy to ever wear any sort of habit or collar, and I feel unworthy to wear this sweatshirt. Despite feeling a call to ministry my entire adult life, putting on the cloth that goes with it has been something I've only been comfortable with in my imagination. I haven't followed the path toward a habit or clerical collar. But I'm going to keep this sweatshirt, and I'm going to wear it, not as a symbol of my ministry but as a reminder of the ministry that God does through me. As it warms me with a divine embrace, I am happily reminded that our weakness is God's strength. Putting on the cloth, whether it's a hoodie or a habit, doesn't infuse you with any power of your own. It can only serve as a reminder of the ministry you are called to: the ministry of being God's light in the world, a ministry in which you are a conduit, a means to an end. I hope that this cloth will preserve in me the humility to always remember that.

It's not knowing yourself that's hard - it's acting on that knowledge.

I have a song stuck in my head right now. This happens a lot. Sometimes it's annoying, but sometimes, like now, it's a really good song. Right now, I have dcTalk's "Colored People" running through my head. There are many reasons I love this song. In addition to the music, the lyrics have always resonated with me: lyrics praising God for the diversity of this world, and how through it all, we are all human and we all have something in common because of it. In the lead-in to the refrain, the first verse says this: "We've gotta come together and thank the maker of us all." The second verse says this: "We've gotta come together; aren't we all human after all?" I always thought that the repetition of this phrase, using slightly different words, had a certain musical impact: you expect the same words the second time around, and because they change slightly, the point is driven home that we are all human and thus need to come together. But tonight, those words are hitting me differently. I actually think that dcTalk hit the nail on the head the first time around. Tolerance, understanding, and seeing what we have in common as human beings aren't the end; they are the means to an end, and that end is praising God for God's creation. "We've gotta come together; aren't we all human after all?" is the first step. "We've gotta come together and thank the maker of us all" is what we are aiming for. Tolerance for the sake of tolerance - promoting a "live and let live" policy for those whose race is different from our own - does not praise our Creator. Thank you, dcTalk, for reminding me (10 years later) that the diversity in this world isn't just something to tolerate or understand. It's something to love, appreciate, and celebrate. It is one of many things in creation that points to our almighty Creator, who thankfully created this world in living color.