They say you shouldn't complain about the problem if you refuse to be part of the solution. What happens when you can't be part of the solution?

Two weeks of heavy construction work, and I'm ready for a nap. Phew! I just got back from 2 weeks on Alternative Spring Break with Habitat for Humanity. Let me tell you, it's the most fun you'll ever have. I drilled through concrete, used a power saw, hammered in a million and one nails, and got a nice tan. What a great growing experience, and what a terrific way to start seeing service differently. I felt proud to be Armenian, proud to be Christian, and humbled by the whole experience.

I had a somewhat unexpected conversation with my grandmother yesterday. I love my grandmother very much, and we are very close, and we "chat" a lot. Well, not as much as I'd like. But we share a unique, wonderful bond. But you know how sometimes you know somebody so well that you sort of know what they're going to say when they give you advice? That's what I was expecting from my grandmother yesterday. But she surprised me. She does offer her advice, and it's always good, but yesterday it was so honest and heartfelt and completely opposite of what I was expecting that it was one of the most helpful conversations I've had in a while. She's changed, too, and gained a different perspective, and that was also surprising to see. Go grandmom! It's been nice that in the different stages of my life, she's always been one of the people I could talk to. I'm so blessed to share this stage with her too.

Every time I start being diligent about posting here, something happens and I start slacking. Sometimes it's laziness, sometimes it's forgetfulness, and sometimes it's because I have nothing to say. I also didn't think anybody read this thing until 2 people recently said to me that they've been enjoying keeping up with me through my blog. So for those 2 people, and maybe for a few more, I will do my best to keep up.

I realized something recently that I can only talk about in a somewhat cryptic manner because, as we all know, whatever you put in writing can come back to haunt you. Those who know me well, though, don't need code language. You know where my struggles have been and you know where my passions lie. You have most likely heard me talk about it ad nauseum. One friend of mine in particular has listened to me talk about it more than probably anyone else, and she officially has been granted permission to kick my ass in 5 years if I'm still in the same place. What jarred me, though, is that I slowly feel myself moving toward action, finally. Not anything big. I'm starting with the mindset. In some ways, that's the biggest challenge.

It all comes down to where your heart is... and where your home is.

IT'S COMING JULY 21!!!

A screamer is someone who sees injustice and can't do anything but stand up and speak out against it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/europe/6281193.stm

Be a screamer.

Home sweet home...
After 3 days at a conference full of way too happy people, it's so nice to be sitting on my couch in silence...
I'm going to see the movie "Screamers" tonight, which is a documentary about genocide. Tomorrow's post may be a rather depressing one.

Today has been marked by a few wonderful moments where I've realized that I am so, so blessed with the most terrific friends.

It's snowing! (well, it's snowing here in Syracuse.) It's pretty, white, and crisp. Aside from the snow, there are 2 other great things about Syracuse.
1) One of my close friends lives here and we're hanging out tomorrow night. I miss her tons and haven't seen her since July.
2) The chat with DK. So needed, SO helpful.

Good things are always great in offsetting the bad or crazy stuff. In this case, the bad and crazy stuff is a lot of happiness. Yes, you read that right - this place is WAY TOO HAPPY. Apparently when a bunch of people who run camps for a living get together, they cheer and whoop and make merry at all hours of the day and night - over the stupidest things. For example: at 7:30 this morning (WAY too early for yours truly), at the registration table, I got a big hollerin' WHOOP because I was a first-time attendee at this conference. I hadn't even finished my first cup of coffee and already these people are doing an endurance trial of the hokey pokey. God help me. Tomorrow, I think one of them might end up wearing my coffee.

All of a sudden, I'm not so sure who I am anymore...

There is a cartoon on my refrigerator that I cut out many years ago which depicts God as a chef with the earth in a baking pan and all the elements on earth as different ingredients. There's bottles of different animals, light-skinned people, dark-skinned people, trees, mountains, etc. In this picture, God is holding one of those bottles and sprinkling it on the dish. The caption from his mouth reads, "And just to make it interesting..." The bottle is labeleds "Jerks."

And therein lies my day.

WHY

do we keep running around in circles???

Things that are making me happy right now:
1) my new fleece pajama bottoms (on sale!). Never changing out of them.
2) my new TV (thanks mom and dad!)
3) knowing and feeling God's presence... can't explain why or how, but it's like an embrace from an old friend.
4) imitrex - for those ghastly migrianes, as i have suffered 3 this week.
5) coffee - my other old friend. :)

OVERHEARD ON THE SUBWAY THIS MORNING...

This girl's manicures must really hurt.

Girl: I know your nail keeps growing, but does the skin keep growing with it? I mean, it's attached to your skin.

This made the water I was drinking come out of my nose.

me: If I was published, my pen name would be J. Maria Hopkinson.
friend: We have to call you "J. Maria?"
me: Yes.
friend: Your rap name could be JuMama.

Sometimes you come across a song that says exactly what you're thinking.

You love me, but you don't know who I am
I'm caught between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me, but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

The Long Walk Home

Last night, I walked down 5th Avenue after seeing the Radio City Christmas Spectacular (which really was spectacular) to catch the subway home. I don't know if it was because I was feeling all warm and gushy inside from the show, but I passed something that punched a hole in my gut and almost made me start crying in the middle of the streets of New York. It wasn't something new, or different, or entirely unexpected, but for some reason it slapped me across the face. As I passed two of New York's big, beautiful churches which line 5th Avenue, I saw homeless people curled up in blankets on the church stoop underneath the archways. And I wanted to cry. I felt it in my gut, in that place deep down where your emotions start from. I felt pity, sadness, and anger. And I thought of the parable of the Good Samaritan, where the priest and the Levite walk by the poor old beat up man, those people who are supposed to show mercy but in reality find themselves too good to help the common beggar. I pity those poor people who have to live like that. I'm sad that we live in a world where most people want the problem to go away but like the priest and the Levite find their own lives too important to get involved with solving such an astronomical problem. Most people, you and I included, just walk on by because we have our own lives to worry about. And I'm angry that we think that's ok. It really pisses me off that most people just want someone else to take care of the problem.

But I walked on by, and got on the subway. Pasted to the wall of the subway car is a little sign with some basic prohibitions. It says the word "Please" then underneath are 3 pictures with the proverbial red circle with a slash through it to show there is no smoking, no littering, etc. on the subway. But next to the word "please," someone had written the word "pray." To which, after taking in the sad sights of 5th Ave, I can only give a resounding "Amen." Not only prayer that asks God to solve the homeless problem, but prayer that asks God to turn our hearts to be part of the solution. That is the bigger feat.

They're back on DVD and they MADE MY DAY!!!

This CRACKED ME UP.

me: sorry you can't make it to my party.
friend: me too. but i can't believe all these excuses people make so they don't have to commit to coming. as if you live in siberia.
me: yeah well, you can't force people to come.
friend: If I can catch the last yak and don't have frostbite on my kidneys, I maaaaaay make it.

drowning
it's all swirling around me
up here, over there
can't breathe
sometimes tears come from choking
sometimes from ache
sometimes both