Traveling through "Hye"perspace

2009-04-14T22:59:00.003-04:00

Last week was Holy Week in the Christian calendar. It's the time of year I feel I ought to be most focused on Jesus' actual suffering - from the anger of the turning of the tables in the Temple, to the angst in the Garden, to the pain and agony of the crucifixion. Since I was little, I've been told that Jesus did all that out of love for all of humanity - out of love for me. It's a bit difficult, as a child, to understand the profundity of sacrificial love. I think that is because that kind of love comes much more naturally to children, or to those who have not yet been hurt by love. Children are more willing to love with reckless abandon, purely, honestly, without bias or guardedness or barriers. As an adult, having had too many experiences of being hurt by love which built many barriers around my heart, I have become too secure in the practice of withholding my love in order to avoid further heartache. This made Holy Week's focus on sacrificial love all the more difficult, as I was not only unable to envision how it felt to receive it based on my own experiences, but also how it felt to be the giver of that kind of love. It was safe to say that aside from parents or close long-time friends (from whom, in my mind, it was more expected and less of a choice), I had never experienced being the recipient of sacrificial love from a human being.

Last Monday, the Monday of Holy Week, I was scheduled to go to my doctor for a biopsy. Nothing crazy, nothing that was really concerning, but I had a slight abnormality they just wanted to check out to be safe. Unfortunately, my gift of a wild imagination did not serve me well in this case, as I began imagining all the worst-case scenarios and worrying they could, in fact, happen to me. At the peak (or valley, as it were) of my morbid imaginings, two days before the appointment, I had what could be described as a mild "freak out." My boyfriend sat me down on the couch and rubbed my back as I cried uncontrollably about the fact that I might die sometime soon. (I'm sure he was rolling his eyes when I wasn't looking. I would have been. I would have been sitting there thinking "Good LORD, this is out of control!") Thankfully, he knows that when I'm upset, all I want is for him to rub my back, listen, and tell me things are going to be okay. He executed this brilliantly and I calmed down soon enough. The day of the appointment, however, I felt my nerves climbing again. About 2 hours before I was supposed to leave my apartment, my boyfriend called to ask how I was doing. I told him, truthfully, that I was nervous but that I'd be okay, and could I call him back in a few minutes since I was on the other line with a different friend who was calming me down. He said, "Sure... or you could just open your door." And my doorbell rang. It was him. He had woken up that morning thinking about how nervous I was and decided to surprise me and take the day off work (knowing that if he had asked me I would have told him not to come) and go with me to the appointment. I was touched... overwhelmed... but most of all, relieved to be in his arms. He escorted me to the doctors office, and when they called me back, he sent me a text message that said, "Just remember I am with you." I looked at it at least a hundred times before the doctor came in.

Over the next few days, every time I'd tell someone about the overwhelming kindness he had shown me, I'd get misty-eyed and be at a loss for words. I didn't know why. Then on Good Friday, just 4 days after the appointment, I was sitting in church and it hit me: this was the first time I had experienced true sacrificial love. This other person made a huge sacrifice for me, not because he thought I wanted him to or out of a sense of obligation or guilt, but simply because he loved me and knew I needed him. He loved me without considering the consequences or whether it would be returned. I realized how much I'd been shielding myself from both giving and receiving that kind of love, which ultimately made my boyfriend's sacrifice extremely profound. And I realized that this is how Jesus loves us. With reckless abandon. Purely. Honestly. Sacrificially. Without considering the consequences, or whether his love will be returned. I realized the faulty place from which I have been operating for so long: only love people if they are guaranteed to love you back. What if Jesus had loved the world in that way? There would certainly be no Good Friday - and certainly no Easter. The thought brought tears to my eyes, and I saw Good Friday differently than I've ever seen it before.

As it turns out, when I left church and turned my cellphone back on, there was a voicemail from my doctor. She said that my biopsy results came back normal. I suppose I should have been rejoicing, but there was something inside me that knew this was the case all along. I did breathe a sigh of relief though, and over dinner that night I told my boyfriend what I had prayed about in church that day - that he had been a beautiful model to me of the kind of love that God has for us. At least, finally, I returned the favor and was able to render him speechless.

2008-12-16T21:47:00.002-05:00

I heard a news report this morning about controversy over allowing women to drive in Saudi Arabia. I had a flashback to my last trip to Armenia, where the children I worked with saw a woman driving into the camp and all ran to get a look, because they had never seen a woman driving before. And I thought about how I tried to explain to them that in many countries around the world, it's very normal for women to drive, and they just looked at me like I had 5 heads, even when I told them that I myself drove and owned a car. Then, and now, what overwhelms me the most is the feeling that the gap is too wide between their mentality and my Western one. I don't know how to explain gender equality as progress and as a positive thing, and maybe even as something that's necessary.

And I think, especially, about what happens to women, or any minority, when they are caged and suppressed for too long. They forget who they really are. They stop listening to the voice inside that tells them that they are human beings who have worth, and they start listening to the voices of men who tell them they are second-class citizens.

My prayer tonight is for women.

2008-10-15T15:40:00.002-04:00

Newspapers have a way of showing us the popular perception of things.

Today's Metro newspaper did a little comical blurb about "Where does President Bush's career go from here? We have a few ideas..." They had some fun with photoshop, with pictures of Dubya as a clown, dictionary editor, televangelist in a white robe, FBI profiler, and American Idol judge. For each choice, under each picture, they explained the reason why Georgie would be a good fit in these various occupations. (e.g. the dictionary editor was "If you can rewrite history, you sure as hell can rewrite the English language. 'Misunderestimated' and 'sovereigninity' are good starters." The FBI profiler was "It's the best way to continue probing people's personal lives without having to ask permission. And you are the law, so it's easy to deny people their freedom.")

Under the televangelist, it said:
"You love God. You love guns. You hate gays. You won't get a better audience than the Sunday morning gospel shows. So put on that robe and preach that hate in the name of the Lord."

It makes me so, so sad that this is the popular misconception of Christians. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the Republicans have kidnapped and raped the Christian faith for their own political gain. Not all Christians are gun-wielding, war-loving, gay-hating, judgmental, out-to-save-you, hateful radicals. George W. Bush has shat on his own religion and butchered it and displayed it to the masses. It's as violating as taking somebody's relative, decapitating them, then mounting their head on a stake and planting it in the person's front yard. The God that most Christians know and love does not love guns and does not hate gays. And most of all, the Christian God does not hate any human being, because they are all created in the divine's own image.

2008-09-30T15:55:00.001-04:00

Mood swing, defined:

Yesterday's menu: dumplings, bagel with cream cheese, the entire dish of pad thai, ice cream sandwich, bag of popcorn.

Today's menu: apple, banana, soup & salad, 2 sushi rolls.

I think I'm feeling a little better today.

2008-09-27T22:29:00.002-04:00

I'm very sad right now.

There are tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. I see the same injustice over and over again, and I'm witnessing it right now. And it hurts. When I see women treated as less than the fully dignified human beings that they are, a part of me dies. And when I happen to be one of those women, it makes me want to scream.

2008-09-03T23:49:00.004-04:00

Great job, Sarah Palin, in taking the low road and totally bashing your unnamed "opponent" in your acceptance speech tonight. (I'd like to add that her opponent, whose name is actually Barack Obama, maintained complete respect for his opponent throughout his acceptance speech last week. That's called the high road.) I only heard fear in her speech, fear of the truth that she is a very weak candidate. Funny, in the Christian tradition we know that fear is the absence of love. And there was very little love and compassion in her speech tonight. If there was any hope of finding it, it was completely lost in this insulting comment about her experience as a small-town mayor compared to her "opponent's" experience as a community organizer. "I guess being a small-town mayor is sort of like being a community organizer, except you have actual responsibilities." My reaction to this comment was similar to the sensation of projectile vomiting, not only because it made me sick, but too many things were spewing out of my brain at once as my ears took it in. For a more accurate understanding of the responsibilities of a community organizer and the compassion it involves, I refer you to this post.

I'll save my spewage of thoughts about my disgust over the myopic and false rhetoric about our victories at war with a dangerous world for another time.

2008-09-02T13:33:00.005-04:00

I had so many thoughts about the new Republican Vice-Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, but as it turns out, Jon Stewart said it all for me.

And as you all know, runner-up for the Democratic presidential nomination Hillary Clinton gave an excellent speech at the DNC last week, challenging her supporters to consider the reasons they supported her: was it who she was, or the issues she cared for? "Were you in this for me, or for a candidate who would fight for universal health care, bring our troops home, ensure a quality education for all our children, and so on?" she asked the audience. (I'm paraphrasing a bit here)

In Sarah Palin's acceptance speech, she "thanked" Hillary Clinton for all her hard work in putting 18 million cracks in the glass ceiling before slapping her in the face and saying, "But it turns out the women of America aren't finished yet, and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all!" Yeah, because you worked JUST as hard as Hillary to get on that ticket.

I have to thank Samantha Bee for so comically pointing out the obvious. Do Sarah Palin and John McCain really think the "women of America," especially those who supported Hillary Clinton, are that stupid and shallow, and that irresponsible as voters? That they would vote for a candidate who opposes rights for women, simply because she is a woman? The very definition of a feminist is someone who stands for equal treatment for women and men. That not only means we feminists will vote for candidates who treat women equally, but that we will not discriminate between candidates based on their gender. Wake up, McCain, and give women some credit.

2008-07-06T17:27:00.002-04:00

I just realized... I'm Dr. Dillamond.

If you haven't seen the Broadway musical Wicked, then go see it, and you'll know what I'm talking about.

It stinks to realize you have become a shadow of what you once were.

2008-05-20T16:40:00.002-04:00

Sometimes
there is justice in the world, so beautiful and sweet that it fills you with an almost foolish sense of hope.

Sometimes
there's no justice at all, and you think you might just waste away wondering why.

2008-05-16T21:07:00.009-04:00

Red flag alert: 2 more red flags have gone up over things I've seen recently on TV that are, frankly, scaring the crap out of me.

One is this commercial:

We have now taken the superwoman mom/housewife/working woman to the next level. Notice Kelly Ripa does it ALL! Cooks dinner, feeds the dog, hosts a sleepover, tosses the kids their gummy worms, entertains a houseful of guests, looks for monsters under the bed with the kids... all after running home after a day at her high-profile job. One question: WHERE IS HER HUSBAND IN ALL THIS?

Two is the TV show "Samantha Who." The main character, Samantha, has two friends, both of whom are so typecast and stereotypical that they aren't enjoyable in the least. One is so shallow that she isn't believable as a human being, and the other is the stereotyped "fat girl." This is scaring me. She is dorky, shy, awkward, naive and gullible, desperate for friends, and unintelligent. Sort of the stereotypical portrayal of the "fat kid" in a TV show from 20 years ago. It makes me want to vomit, frankly, that in this day and age, television is STILL portraying overweight women as socially, intellectually, and romantically inept.

I am scared shitless. I am scared that we live in a country where women's value and worth as HUMAN BEINGS is in the middle of a landslide of epic proportions. Instead of seeing more examples of successful, intelligent women of all shapes and sizes, and instead of seeing women and men working side by side together in partnership, we are seeing more and more advertising showing women in roles we have been fighting against since the birth of feminism. Feminism has worked so hard to remind people that women's worth cannot be reduced to roles of homemaker and vixen, but if we look at advertising today, those are the only traits that seem to be desirable in women anymore. WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY??? WAKE UP PEOPLE!!!

2008-04-16T15:58:00.003-04:00

Beware, something feminist this way comes.

I am thirsting for good roles for women on television shows. Maybe I'm inspired by some of the broadway shows I've seen, where roles for women aren't as flat or unilateral. But I'm extremely discouraged by the fact that the only two shows about strong, successful women that have come onto network television, Commander in Chief and Cashmere Mafia, have been nixed. In both of these shows, the female protagonists were awesome. They were strong, confident, successful, intelligent, and always bested the men who tried to beat them. They had integrity, wit, drive, and humor. In short, they were winners. I loved watching these women, and I know a lot of other people did too. These were terrific shows that did well. But now, they're both off the air. Would it be a stretch to wonder if male television executives decided this wasn't stuff that people needed to see?

2008-02-24T23:24:00.002-05:00

OK folks, I need to get something off my chest. I need to put it out there - even if only 3 people read this blog - because we need to be reminded that this country has not progressed as much as we may be led to believe. As someone who has spent her life in the worlds of the arts and religion, and as someone who is quite the feminist, I need to raise my voice. Why is it that these worlds are still so male-dominated? Think about the theatre. I look at directing, whether it's the theatre or film, and I'm hard pressed to find enough female directors to count on more than one hand. Think about music. I can't think of a single female conductor of an orchestra. Think about the church. Most church leaders - head pastors, bishops, etc. - are men. And now, I sit here and watch the Academy Awards. You know the drill: they save the important ones for last. So, I want to know why the award for best actress is given halfway through the night, but the award for best actor comes at the end. How far have we actually come, people? When are women going to be more than second-best?

2008-01-31T19:41:00.000-05:00

On a recent flight, I had the opportunity to watch the movie "Evan Almighty." I'm going to be honest: the movie was abysmal. It was a waste of good acting talent and two hours of my life. However, it did have one moment of brilliance.

There is a scene where Lauren Graham (Joan) has left Steve Carrell (Evan) with their 3 sons in order to protect herself and their children, for fear Evan has gone insane. (Evan believes God wants him to build an ark to save the world from a flood that is coming on a certain day, September 22 or something.) They're in a restaurant, and the boys go to the bathroom and she's left alone for a few minutes. Morgan Freeman (God), dressed as a waiter, comes over to "take her refill order" and engages her in conversation. When she tells him about the dramatic turn her husband has taken, she says, "What do you think it is?" His answer is, "Opportunity." She looks at him curiously, and he continues. "When someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience, or an opportunity to learn patience? When someone prays for their family to grow closer (which she has prayed for in the beginning of the movie), do you think God gives them warm fuzzy feelings, or an opportunity to grow closer, side by side, like those animals who came on the ark?"

in a movie that was absolutely a waste of brain cells, that was a great point.

it also made the point that God has a master plan, even if we can't see it. All the disasters that happened to Evan and Joan's family ended up working out for the best, and giving them exactly what they had hoped for.

If only the rest of the movie hadn't been a total waste...

2008-01-31T18:58:00.000-05:00

When the mail came today, it looked like an ordinary bundle - some bills, some junk, pleas from the ballet and the opera to continue donating to them. The last thing I came upon, tucked toward the back of the stack, was a notice from the post office that I had a package waiting for me. How exciting! Not only do I love getting packages in the mail, but I love the excitement of wondering who it might be from. I rushed to the post office and waited with anticipation while they retrieved a nicely sized box from the back. It was only when I looked at the return address on the box that I remembered a student I had been counseling had asked for my address. Wondering what she may have sent me, I hurried home to open my parcel. In it, I found a wrapped package and a letter. Resisting the temptation to open the package first, I reached for the letter and found a two-page eloquent thank you for all the help I had given her. In the envelope, she also included a friendship bracelet she had made. I couldn't even bring myself to open the package at that moment, because I felt so overwhelmed. Here was someone who I simply helped in a time of need, which in my mind, means I'm just doing my job. Little did I know how much it helped or meant to her, for the parcel that rested on the counter in front of me was such a generous effort to say thank you that I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Ministry is funny that way. You can only do what God has asked you to do, what Jesus has modeled for you to do - love others and reach out to those in need - and pray that God will use you to bring the necessary consolation or help into that person's life. I opened the package. It was a hoodie (my favorite) with the name of the student's college beautifully stitched across the front. To say that I was touched would be a dire understatement. I didn't even feel comfortable trying it on. It was as if fully receiving this gift of thanks would somehow be saying that I took credit for helping her. There was no way that I, left to my own merits, could have such deep impact on a person. I called her to thank her and tell her she didn't have to do that. She said that indeed, she did, because she owed me a lot. We argued about it a few times back and forth before we both gratefully said good night. It was only then that I removed my own sweatshirt, with the name of my graduate school printed across the chest, a name I had earned with excessive hours in the library and too many all-nighters to count, and tried on this piece of clothing that I still felt didn't belong to me. I looked in the mirror. There I was, just plain old me, but in someone else's clothing. Clothing I did not earn or deserve, despite what someone else might think. A wolf in sheep's clothing, maybe; it's not that much of a stretch. I felt like a misrepresentation of the institution scrawled across my chest. I remembered feeling like this before, when I tried on the spare habit of a nun friend, and the clerical collar of a minister friend, at times when I was considering those paths in ministry. The sight that greeted me in the mirror tonight was the same that greeted me then: that I was "clothed in righteousness" like the Psalms say, but that righteousness only went as deep as the fabric. I felt unworthy to ever wear any sort of habit or collar, and I feel unworthy to wear this sweatshirt. Despite feeling a call to ministry my entire adult life, putting on the cloth that goes with it has been something I've only been comfortable with in my imagination. I haven't followed the path toward a habit or clerical collar. But I'm going to keep this sweatshirt, and I'm going to wear it, not as a symbol of my ministry but as a reminder of the ministry that God does through me. As it warms me with a divine embrace, I am happily reminded that our weakness is God's strength. Putting on the cloth, whether it's a hoodie or a habit, doesn't infuse you with any power of your own. It can only serve as a reminder of the ministry you are called to: the ministry of being God's light in the world, a ministry in which you are a conduit, a means to an end. I hope that this cloth will preserve in me the humility to always remember that.

2008-01-20T12:04:00.001-05:00

It's not knowing yourself that's hard - it's acting on that knowledge.

2008-01-20T01:16:00.000-05:00

I have a song stuck in my head right now. This happens a lot. Sometimes it's annoying, but sometimes, like now, it's a really good song. Right now, I have dcTalk's "Colored People" running through my head. There are many reasons I love this song. In addition to the music, the lyrics have always resonated with me: lyrics praising God for the diversity of this world, and how through it all, we are all human and we all have something in common because of it. In the lead-in to the refrain, the first verse says this: "We've gotta come together and thank the maker of us all." The second verse says this: "We've gotta come together; aren't we all human after all?" I always thought that the repetition of this phrase, using slightly different words, had a certain musical impact: you expect the same words the second time around, and because they change slightly, the point is driven home that we are all human and thus need to come together. But tonight, those words are hitting me differently. I actually think that dcTalk hit the nail on the head the first time around. Tolerance, understanding, and seeing what we have in common as human beings aren't the end; they are the means to an end, and that end is praising God for God's creation. "We've gotta come together; aren't we all human after all?" is the first step. "We've gotta come together and thank the maker of us all" is what we are aiming for. Tolerance for the sake of tolerance - promoting a "live and let live" policy for those whose race is different from our own - does not praise our Creator. Thank you, dcTalk, for reminding me (10 years later) that the diversity in this world isn't just something to tolerate or understand. It's something to love, appreciate, and celebrate. It is one of many things in creation that points to our almighty Creator, who thankfully created this world in living color.

2007-11-21T12:09:00.000-05:00

In the past month or so, the Armenian Genocide has gotten lots of media attention. In the debate over whether the U.S. should recognize it as genocide, some people are saying that we need to be more concerned with our ally relations in the Middle East, despite the other side's insistence that we cannot be bullied into ignoring truth. Well, I read an article today that made me want to vomit, and it made me very sad that the U.S. in fact bows to the Middle East all the time, all because of the fact that they're our supposed "allies."

I read in the paper today that a Saudi woman was gang raped and, upon seeking justice, was punished for allowing herself to be with men she was not related to. The woman received 6 months in prison and 200 lashes for her "crime." Are you nauseous yet? The Canadians called it "barbaric," but the U.S. "stopped short of stronger language against its close ally in the Middle East." Too bad, because the woman's sentence was increased from 90 lashes to 200 due to the U.S.'s media attention. If we had given more than just media attention, and maybe flexed our own muscles in the Middle East for once and for real, over matters that affect human dignity, maybe this victim would not have been victimized twice. I don't understand how the U.S., the leader of the free world, is afraid to flex its muscles in the face of such obvious barbarism and denial of human rights and dignity. And we call these people our allies?

2007-11-19T15:56:00.001-05:00

On Friday, I attended a lecture by Dr. Vigen Guroian, professor of theology and ethics and Loyola University in Maryland. Dr. Guroian spoke about the issue of homosexuality and same-sex union from an Armenian Orthodox perspective. As expected, he labeled homosexuality as a sin, referencing Scripture passages such as 1 Cor. 6:9-10 and Romans 1:26-27 and the Tradition of the Armenian Church which states that the image of God, as seen in the Genesis story, is complete in the complementarity of male and female from the outset of creation. Further, he stated that sacramentally speaking, the marriage union must occur between and man and a woman. In sum, citing Scripture and Tradition, Dr. Guroian stated that both homosexuality and same-sex union (with homosexual marriage as a subset) are sinful in the eyes of the Armenian Church.

Professor Guroian also attempted to smooth over this potentially harsh stance by saying that the Armenian Church should welcome these sinners into her fold, and that she has failed to do so successfully thus far. In the traditional stance of “love the sinner, hate the sin,” Professor Guroian stated that the main ingredient missing was forgiveness, and that the church should always be prepared to offer it to those who repent. This, of course, precludes a homosexual thinking s/he is sinful. Nevertheless, Guroian took a stance grounded in the teachings of the Armenian Church, urging that the Church stand firm against the tides of modern culture in confidently calling homosexuality a sin, a disease, which one can be forgiven of. When he was challenged by audience members who suggested that the Armenian Church ought to conform to the times, citing the fact that homosexuality is no longer considered a “disease” and that it is taken out of Scriptural context in being labeled sinful, Guroian did not budge. He reiterated that the church’s traditional interpretation must stand, that the church’s understanding of sacraments cannot change, and that those seeking union are welcome to seek it in the state, but not in the church. Lastly, he stated that the church cannot change with culture, that it never has and never should, and that secular ideals cannot dictate the church’s sacred teachings.

As a heterosexual woman, I felt no personal attack hearing homosexuality outspokenly condemned as sinful and listening to the discussion that followed. However, as a faithful Armenian Christian, I feel some unrest in this attempt at a pastoral approach to homosexuals. As someone who tries to read Scripture responsibly and understand the Armenian Church’s tradition, especially its sacraments, I look at Scripture passages such as 1 Cor. 6:9-10 which form the basis for Guroian’s argument that these sinners cannot be sacramentally accepted into the Armenian Church and see a glaring imbalance and irresponsibility. In three of the four Scriptural references condemning homosexuality, homosexuality is part of a larger list of “sins” or “abominations.” In the passages from Leviticus, some of the other items on this list are things as common as eating shellfish (Lev. 11:10) and getting a tattoo (Lev. 19:28), or as ludicrous as finding a man who has slept with his neighbor’s wife and putting them both to death (Lev. 20:10). In 1 Corinthians, fornication and greed are listed as sins that will bar a person from inheriting the kingdom of God.

Obviously, Armenian tradition has weeded out eating shellfish and getting a tattoo as abominations that are simply contextual historically. If they were not, all of the Armenian pilgrims to Jerusalem would find themselves in serious jeopardy with their “haji’s” stamped on their right forearm. Also, I would fear for the salvation of my family and many other Armenians I know who enjoy such delicacies as shrimp, crab, and lobster on a regular basis. Additionally, I have never learned of a time in Armenian history when an adulterer and adulteress were put to death by the church for their sin. Perhaps we’ve allowed for these oversights, for this glossing over of certain parts of the Old Testament, because we could argue that Christ ushered in a New Testament which was the fulfillment of the law. Fair enough. If we’re going to leave the Old Testament out of it for its socio-historical context or irrelevance to our lives today (or argue that Tradition helps balance out these passages), then I would like to take a closer look at those New Testament passages (all two of them) which condemn homosexuality and explore what Guroian sees as a threat to the purity of the sacraments of the Armenian Church.

In 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, St. Paul says: “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor sexual perverts (or homosexuals), nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.” From this passage, and one in Romans 1:26-27, which says that men and women who exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones (men having passion for men and women for women) received the “due penalty for their error,” emerges the tradition that homosexuality is a sin. It was also pointed out by Guroian that from the beginning of creation, God created humankind in his own image as male and female, and that it is in this dual-gender complementarity that the image of God is seen. And from that comes the concern over homosexuals being sacramentally accepted into the Armenian Church. After all, the Armenian Church does everything it can to prohibit sinners from participating in the sacraments (take the practice of confession prior to the sacrament of the eucharist, for example). It is this notion, that nonrepentant sinners cannot be accepted into the sacraments of the church, that requires further attention.

If we are going to cite 1 Cor. 6:9-10 as one of the foundations for condemning homosexuality and barring homosexuals from the sacraments of the church, there are a number of sins listed which have thus far been ignored in the discussion regarding sacramental acceptance into the Armenian Church. If the Armenian Church is truly going to speak out against offering sacraments to nonrepentent sinners, then let’s get serious. When it comes to the sacrament of marriage, for example, we must not stop at homosexuals. We must forbid all fornicators, all the greedy, and all drunkards from getting married. Yet how many couples has the church married who were wed in the state of these sins, and even worse, were unrepentant about them? I'm sure that I am not the only person who knows couples who have been married in the Armenian Church who had engaged in premarital sex, drank heavily the day of their wedding, and/or had even gotten rather greedy with their gift registry and wedding arrangements. Shouldn’t the church be as vocal against this as it is about homosexuals getting married?

But we cannot stop there. What about the other sacraments of the church? To follow Guroian's argument, we cannot allow unrepentant sinners to receive the sacrament of baptism, chrismation, ordination, unction, etc. It is for this reason that those to be baptized renounce Satan; that the first thing the priest does in the Liturgy is make his confession, so that he can celebrate the Eucharist; that we attending the Liturgy must make our confession before receiving communion; and so on and so forth. We must then ask ourselves: is homosexual marriage the only case in which a nonrepentent sinner is seeking to be accepted into a sacrament of the church? Can a man who has lived his entire life greedily and drunkenly, who is nonrepentant of these sins which St. Paul seems to find as serious as homosexuality, receive the sacrament of unction before he dies, for example? In other words, if it is wrong for the church to accept a nonrepentant sinner into the sacraments, are we looking at St. Paul’s laundry list of sins unworthy of the kingdom of God and speaking out against one of those items while ignoring the others? I ask this not to point fingers, or suggest that the church has looked the other way when considering the administration of sacraments to some of its faithful, but to encourage us to honestly consider the breadth and scope of raising concern over allowing a nonrepentant sinner into the sacraments of the church.

The concern this brings up, of course, goes back to Professor Guroian’s exhortation that the Armenian Church stand strong against the tides of culture in affirming the truth to Her people. He was very strong in stating that the Armenian Chuch must not give into the influences of the state or secular culture. If the Armenian Church is in fact ignoring certain sins while focusing on others, the question we must ask is, why? In the case of fornication, why do we ignore this sin when agreeing to marry certain couples? Is it possible that it’s because we know there would be nobody left to marry, that we would be forced to reject almost all marriage applicants, because fornication is just a way of life, part of the culture? The same with drunkenness or greed, or immorality, or thievery; what would happen if, for example, the priest sent to the back of the communion line those who had pushed to the front, a blatant act of greed and selfishness in the face of the holy and blessed sacrament? Why does the church not speak out as strongly and vocally against these other sins, which St. Paul equates to homosexuality? What is the difference between refusing to marry a homosexual couple and a heterosexual couple who have engaged in premarital sex? Or a greedy capitalist who pushes people aside to be the first to receive communion? Or a bride-or groom-to-be showing up on their wedding day with alcohol on their breath? Or a teenager who has stolen money out of the collection plate just before receiving communion? If we are to read Scripture responsibly, it is imperative that we treat St. Paul unilaterally, i.e., that we don’t push some of his teachings at the expense of others.

I have to wonder whether the church has, in fact, already bowed to the influences of secular culture when it comes to accepting nonrepentant sinners into the sacraments. Sins like greed (one of the seven deadly sins, mind you), drunkenness, and adultery are so common that it would cause a lot of turmoil in the church if it was to speak out against them and bring them out in the open as strongly as it does homosexuality. As St. Paul says, all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). I am the first of them. I sin every day, and even in those few short moments between confession and communion, I’m sure I commit ten sins before I’ve made it to the altar. But, some would argue, that’s the case for everyone, and at least you’re repentant and trying not to sin. Fair enough, but let me not write these words with any sort of presumption that I am any better than the worst of sinners, least of whom, sometimes, are homosexuals.

Lastly, when we talk about the church's pastoral approach to homosexuals, the church's stance would be much better informed if it ceased to pull this one line item out of its context in Scripture, and instead focused on the fact that we are all sinners. In fact, the discussion of any sin must be held in light of all of Scripture and Tradition. It also must remain in the context of a sinful and penitent Christian community. If I sin by the sin of greed, I will not feel equipped or empowered to repent of it in a community that I feel has already judged me or sees me as more sinful than they are (that is the beauty of the corporate confession we have, in my opinion). I will instead retreat, and I will not feel the love of God that that community claims to strive for. We must reconsider our approach to this one line item if we are to better our pastoral approach to those who have felt like outcasts in the past. Just as Jesus reminded us to remove the log from our own eye before removing the splinter from our neighbor's eye, let us not forget to focus the church's healing and forgiveness on our own sins as much as those we find in others.

2007-11-05T10:36:00.000-05:00

ALMOST PUBLISHED

Letters to Metro

on Friday, Nov. 2, Steve Kalka wrote a letter to the Metro newspaper saying that the term "Genocide" should not be applied loosely to the Armenians, and that we should consider whether their deaths were simply the result of war or if it really was a systematically planned extermination of a race. I wrote in a response which Metro asked for permission to publish (I got prematurely excited), but unfortunately, I didn't make the cut. Apparently, they'd rather hear from someone who far exceeded their word limit ranting about saving the South Village from commercial developers.

Almost published:
Steve Kalka ("'Genocide' not to be applied loosely") questions whether the massacre of the Armenians during WWI can actually be deemed 'genocide.' Countless genocide historians have already affirmed this term, citing detailed documentation between 1914-1939 from United States and European ambassadors, journalists, photographers, and missionaries, up to Adolf Hitler, who stated prior to invading Poland, "After all, who today speaks of the annihilation of the Armenians," all documenting the full intent of the Ottoman Turks to exterminate the Armenian people. The term "Genocide," rather than being applied loosely, is inarguably and undeniably the only term that is appropriate.

2007-11-02T11:22:00.000-04:00

I read an interesting article in today's paper entitled "Bush cites Lenin, Hitler in rebuking Democrats." He says: "History teaches us that underestimating the words of evil, ambitious men is a terrible mistake. Bin Laden and his terrorist allies have made their intentions as clear as Lenin and Hitler before them. And the question is, will we listen?"

There is so much wrong with this statement that it's hard to pick it apart one by one for fear of ending up with a three-page blog entry. But, I'll do my best.

My first reaction was utter confusion at this statement, and after a few seconds, I realized it was because there is no logical line one can draw between totalitarian dictators of their own states who actually held complete political power and a man hiding in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan who serves as Bush's only leverage in keeping Americans afraid of some sort of future terrorist attack and thus enabling him to pass legislation that strips American citizens of more and more of their privacy and freedom while giving our government a frightening amount of control and power. Hitler and Lenin actually held political office and used their positions to manipulate and control people, so that ultimately they ended up with the power to decide who was in and who was out, who was friend and who was foe, who lived and who died, who could be considered a citizen and who was to be cast out as alien. They held the power to decide what was printed in the media, and what language to use to brainwash people and force them to think a certain way. They designed their governments so that everything came under their control - the power to invade people's homes and privacy, the power to deem a harmless citizen a threat to the security of the state based on arbitrary criteria of their own design, the power to dictate people's jobs, incomes, lifestyles.

Bin Laden, on the other hand, lives in hiding and has control over a small, select group of extremist rebels. He exerts no political power over a nation and does not act as a dictator over a government or state. Yes, he brainwashes people, but rather than working to exert power and control over his own country and people, he works against a country thousands of miles away on a different continent. His enemy does not live on his own soil. His control, unlike that of Lenin and Hitler, has nothing to do with a certain state or nation. He is not trying to run his own country in whatever way he wants to with the only citizens being those whom he hand-picks. He is not trying to rid a country of people who do not conform to his own made-up, arbitrary standards. He's just trying to rid the world of stupid, ignorant Americans who have the audacity to think they are doing Iraqi citizens a favor by blowing up their country for no good reason, taking their oil, forcing American ideals onto citizens of a completely different culture, then punishing them for being a square peg that can't fit into a round hole.

Bin Laden's intentions, though they may be as clear as Bush seems to think they are, are nothing like those of Lenin or Hitler. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that. However, when one considers the current trends in American anti-terrorism policy and presidential rhetoric, one must ask if our own president's intentions aren't as clear as those evil, ambitious men of history whom he so eloquently quotes.

2007-10-18T17:12:00.001-04:00

YES!!! This TOTALLY made my day.
Harry Potter still could happen in real life, ladies and gents!

I quote, from today's "Metro" newspaper, on page 2:
"Woman says she found python in her toilet
Python in potty. That's what a Brooklyn woman said she discovered as she was washing her hands in her third-floor bathroom one morning before dawn. Peeking out from the toilet were the eyes of a python, its 7-foot-long body hidden in the pipes, Nadege Brunacci said... Brunacci slammed down the lid, put a heavy box on top of the toilet and began calling for help, which came from her landlord and firefighters. Plumbers had to tear apart the downstairs neighbor's pipes to capture the snake, she said."

Is anybody else laughing hysterically?

2007-08-03T22:24:00.000-04:00

Thoughts running through my head at 10:30pm...
my throat hurts. how on earth will i ever be packed and ready to go by tomorrow. i am exhausted. i have been sick for 4 days now and it sucks. i miss my mom. i can't believe i'm going to miss camp. what is jerusalem going to do to me. should i take my personal laptop or my work laptop. my throat, seriously, is killing me. what am i forgetting. when can i go to bed. why can't i freeze time to figure all this out.

2007-07-30T13:51:00.000-04:00

BETRAYAL.

2007-07-28T15:29:00.000-04:00

I have a renewed hatred of airlines.

Tbere aren't many people or things I truly hate with every fibre of my being. However, airlines top the very short list.

Need I explain why? Need I explain how awful the experience of traveling by air has become? Need I explain the abysmal treatment consumers receive from TSA officials, airline attendants, and all airport staff? Need I explain the sense of dread one feels when approaching the airport, wondering how long the line will be this time, how long the delay, how uninformed the staff?

I think Michael Moore's next documentary should be on the airline industry. Someone needs to uncover and display their dirty laundry - their customer service policies, their unethical procedures, and how they seem to remain the only business that has gotten away with treating their customers like cow dung while still charging them a small fortune.

I hate airlines.

2007-07-23T22:37:00.001-04:00

NANNY NANNY BOO BOO

i know something you don't...

and if i wasn't such a prat, i'd just tell you.

2007-07-23T22:21:00.000-04:00

OH MY GOSH!!!

Where have I been?

After a thrilling week in England back in May, I came back to a busy month at the office preparing for the summer. Now, I'm at... of all places for someone in her late 20's... CAMP. For 7 weeks.

I'll try to be better about this blog, I swear.

2007-05-09T07:36:00.000-04:00

Thoughts from Terminal 7, Gate 4

1) I'm bored.
2) I'm tired.
3) It's too early to be awake.
4) Why would you wear 4-inch heels to fly?
5) Hasidic Jews fascinate me. How do they get their curls so perfect??
6) I hope that cute guy is seated next to me. My luck, it'll be the Hasidic Jew. Or the grandma who's falling asleep drooling on her blouse.
7) I'm bored.

2007-05-04T08:53:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah, one more thing.

7) Whenever I walk by a piano, I have to check it out and see what brand it is. If that means walking across an empty room and opening the lid, I'll do it.

2007-05-03T19:59:00.000-04:00

My friend Traci challenged me to do what she did on her blog and write 6 weird things about myself. She tagged 6 of her friends to do so, but as the only people I know who blog are already tagged by Traci, like Nick I'm also going to just do what Traci asked.

1) The toilet paper HAS to come out on top. Has to. I start to twitch if it comes out on bottom.

2) The top of the toothpaste tube is officially toxic waste to me if it has collected toothpaste gunk on it. If you use my toothpaste and you leave a TRACE of toothpaste at the mouth of the tube, you will suffer.

3) I hate it when my nails start to get long. Once I start seeing white, I can't rest until I have a pair of nail clippers and a file in my hand.

4) Shout out to Nick: I too find nothing funnier than farts. Not even poop. The whoopee cushion was the best invention ever.

5) Even if it's just chapstick, there must always be something on my lips.

6) I have a special voice I talk to animals with. It's sort of genetic. My whole family does it, and everybody thinks we're freaks, and we love it. It lets the animals know they're special.

2007-05-01T23:44:00.000-04:00

Hooray for New York! (Yes, by some small miracle I was actually IN TOWN for the weekend!)
I spent Saturday exploring Brooklyn, first at the Botanical Gardens then at Coney Island. Here are some pics from the Cherry Blossom Festival, the tulip gardens, and Coney Island.

2007-03-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

They say you shouldn't complain about the problem if you refuse to be part of the solution. What happens when you can't be part of the solution?

2007-03-22T15:19:00.000-04:00

Two weeks of heavy construction work, and I'm ready for a nap. Phew! I just got back from 2 weeks on Alternative Spring Break with Habitat for Humanity. Let me tell you, it's the most fun you'll ever have. I drilled through concrete, used a power saw, hammered in a million and one nails, and got a nice tan. What a great growing experience, and what a terrific way to start seeing service differently. I felt proud to be Armenian, proud to be Christian, and humbled by the whole experience.

2007-02-11T19:56:00.000-05:00

I had a somewhat unexpected conversation with my grandmother yesterday. I love my grandmother very much, and we are very close, and we "chat" a lot. Well, not as much as I'd like. But we share a unique, wonderful bond. But you know how sometimes you know somebody so well that you sort of know what they're going to say when they give you advice? That's what I was expecting from my grandmother yesterday. But she surprised me. She does offer her advice, and it's always good, but yesterday it was so honest and heartfelt and completely opposite of what I was expecting that it was one of the most helpful conversations I've had in a while. She's changed, too, and gained a different perspective, and that was also surprising to see. Go grandmom! It's been nice that in the different stages of my life, she's always been one of the people I could talk to. I'm so blessed to share this stage with her too.

2007-02-08T20:06:00.000-05:00

Every time I start being diligent about posting here, something happens and I start slacking. Sometimes it's laziness, sometimes it's forgetfulness, and sometimes it's because I have nothing to say. I also didn't think anybody read this thing until 2 people recently said to me that they've been enjoying keeping up with me through my blog. So for those 2 people, and maybe for a few more, I will do my best to keep up.

I realized something recently that I can only talk about in a somewhat cryptic manner because, as we all know, whatever you put in writing can come back to haunt you. Those who know me well, though, don't need code language. You know where my struggles have been and you know where my passions lie. You have most likely heard me talk about it ad nauseum. One friend of mine in particular has listened to me talk about it more than probably anyone else, and she officially has been granted permission to kick my ass in 5 years if I'm still in the same place. What jarred me, though, is that I slowly feel myself moving toward action, finally. Not anything big. I'm starting with the mindset. In some ways, that's the biggest challenge.

It all comes down to where your heart is... and where your home is.

2007-02-01T15:35:00.000-05:00

IT'S COMING JULY 21!!!

2007-01-28T01:02:00.000-05:00

A screamer is someone who sees injustice and can't do anything but stand up and speak out against it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/em/fr/-/2/hi/europe/6281193.stm

Be a screamer.

2007-01-27T19:17:00.000-05:00

Home sweet home...
After 3 days at a conference full of way too happy people, it's so nice to be sitting on my couch in silence...
I'm going to see the movie "Screamers" tonight, which is a documentary about genocide. Tomorrow's post may be a rather depressing one.

2007-01-26T17:37:00.000-05:00

Today has been marked by a few wonderful moments where I've realized that I am so, so blessed with the most terrific friends.

2007-01-25T22:11:00.000-05:00

It's snowing! (well, it's snowing here in Syracuse.) It's pretty, white, and crisp. Aside from the snow, there are 2 other great things about Syracuse.
1) One of my close friends lives here and we're hanging out tomorrow night. I miss her tons and haven't seen her since July.
2) The chat with DK. So needed, SO helpful.

Good things are always great in offsetting the bad or crazy stuff. In this case, the bad and crazy stuff is a lot of happiness. Yes, you read that right - this place is WAY TOO HAPPY. Apparently when a bunch of people who run camps for a living get together, they cheer and whoop and make merry at all hours of the day and night - over the stupidest things. For example: at 7:30 this morning (WAY too early for yours truly), at the registration table, I got a big hollerin' WHOOP because I was a first-time attendee at this conference. I hadn't even finished my first cup of coffee and already these people are doing an endurance trial of the hokey pokey. God help me. Tomorrow, I think one of them might end up wearing my coffee.

2007-01-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

All of a sudden, I'm not so sure who I am anymore...

2007-01-17T00:08:00.000-05:00

There is a cartoon on my refrigerator that I cut out many years ago which depicts God as a chef with the earth in a baking pan and all the elements on earth as different ingredients. There's bottles of different animals, light-skinned people, dark-skinned people, trees, mountains, etc. In this picture, God is holding one of those bottles and sprinkling it on the dish. The caption from his mouth reads, "And just to make it interesting..." The bottle is labeleds "Jerks."

And therein lies my day.

2007-01-09T21:50:00.000-05:00

WHY

do we keep running around in circles???

2006-12-31T13:48:00.000-05:00

Things that are making me happy right now:
1) my new fleece pajama bottoms (on sale!). Never changing out of them.
2) my new TV (thanks mom and dad!)
3) knowing and feeling God's presence... can't explain why or how, but it's like an embrace from an old friend.
4) imitrex - for those ghastly migrianes, as i have suffered 3 this week.
5) coffee - my other old friend. :)

2006-12-19T16:22:00.000-05:00

OVERHEARD ON THE SUBWAY THIS MORNING...

This girl's manicures must really hurt.

Girl: I know your nail keeps growing, but does the skin keep growing with it? I mean, it's attached to your skin.

2006-12-18T16:33:00.000-05:00

This made the water I was drinking come out of my nose.

me: If I was published, my pen name would be J. Maria Hopkinson.
friend: We have to call you "J. Maria?"
me: Yes.
friend: Your rap name could be JuMama.

2006-12-15T11:08:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you come across a song that says exactly what you're thinking.

You love me, but you don't know who I am
I'm caught between this life I lead and where I stand
You love me, but you don't know who I am
So let me go
Just let me go

2006-12-11T12:11:00.000-05:00

The Long Walk Home

Last night, I walked down 5th Avenue after seeing the Radio City Christmas Spectacular (which really was spectacular) to catch the subway home. I don't know if it was because I was feeling all warm and gushy inside from the show, but I passed something that punched a hole in my gut and almost made me start crying in the middle of the streets of New York. It wasn't something new, or different, or entirely unexpected, but for some reason it slapped me across the face. As I passed two of New York's big, beautiful churches which line 5th Avenue, I saw homeless people curled up in blankets on the church stoop underneath the archways. And I wanted to cry. I felt it in my gut, in that place deep down where your emotions start from. I felt pity, sadness, and anger. And I thought of the parable of the Good Samaritan, where the priest and the Levite walk by the poor old beat up man, those people who are supposed to show mercy but in reality find themselves too good to help the common beggar. I pity those poor people who have to live like that. I'm sad that we live in a world where most people want the problem to go away but like the priest and the Levite find their own lives too important to get involved with solving such an astronomical problem. Most people, you and I included, just walk on by because we have our own lives to worry about. And I'm angry that we think that's ok. It really pisses me off that most people just want someone else to take care of the problem.

But I walked on by, and got on the subway. Pasted to the wall of the subway car is a little sign with some basic prohibitions. It says the word "Please" then underneath are 3 pictures with the proverbial red circle with a slash through it to show there is no smoking, no littering, etc. on the subway. But next to the word "please," someone had written the word "pray." To which, after taking in the sad sights of 5th Ave, I can only give a resounding "Amen." Not only prayer that asks God to solve the homeless problem, but prayer that asks God to turn our hearts to be part of the solution. That is the bigger feat.

2006-12-09T23:19:00.000-05:00

They're back on DVD and they MADE MY DAY!!!

2006-12-07T16:36:00.000-05:00

This CRACKED ME UP.

me: sorry you can't make it to my party.
friend: me too. but i can't believe all these excuses people make so they don't have to commit to coming. as if you live in siberia.
me: yeah well, you can't force people to come.
friend: If I can catch the last yak and don't have frostbite on my kidneys, I maaaaaay make it.

2006-11-27T17:02:00.000-05:00

drowning
it's all swirling around me
up here, over there
can't breathe
sometimes tears come from choking
sometimes from ache
sometimes both

2006-11-27T17:00:00.000-05:00

don't try to fix me
i'm not broken
HELLO

2006-11-01T22:18:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days when your pessimism about something has been proven right and it makes you want to scream?

2006-10-27T18:46:00.000-04:00

Thoughts from my journey with Journey for Humanity

Today, a group of young Armenian adults called Journey for Humanity came to New York City as part of their national walking tour to raise genocide awareness and action. They have walked all the way across the country from LA to DC for this cause. We met at St. Vartan Cathedral this morning and walked to Times Square where we stood in somber silence, holding banners, handing out pamphlets, mindful of the history that has killed millions of people, in the midst of one of the busiest places on earth. Our presence in New York City was a bit of an anachronism, a living specimen of history in the eye of a storm of businesspeople, tourists, flashing lights and swirling sounds all whisking around Times Square. It was our walk, though, that made the event so powerful and moving.
When you first start walking somewhere, your mind is on where you’re going. But on a long walk, you begin to stop thinking about that, and sometimes you stop thinking in general. You get lost in your own thoughts. And so as we walked, I started to forget how cold my hands were, or how my feet were hurting, and my mind slowly shifted to the purpose of all this walking. We were walking to raise genocide awareness and action. Some people who passed us asked, “What’s genocide?” The fact that our ancestors, along with millions of other people from other races, have perished as a result of ethnic cleansing and there are STILL people walking the streets of New York who don’t know what the word “genocide” means made my steps more purposeful and my hands a little tighter around the banner I was holding. How can people not know? I thought to myself. How can people grow up not learning about the Armenians, the Jews, the Cambodians, the Bosnians, the Rwandans, and now not be aware of those perishing in Darfur at this very moment? How can people not know that time and time again, the world has turned its back on victims of genocide – or offered too little too late? And with each step I took, I thought about the steps my ancestors took. How their steps were steps toward despair, deportation, desolation and death. And how our steps were steps toward awareness, toward social justice, toward action, toward hope.
I thought about the phrase I was taught as a child: Those who ignore the mistakes of history are doomed to repeat them. Sadly, history’s mistakes have been repeated because perpetrators of genocide have not been held accountable for their crimes against humanity. This is problematic for two reasons. First, it silently allows these crimes to continue. By not holding perpetrators accountable, we are saying that crimes against humanity, the most vile of crimes, are crimes you can get away with. We are permitting them to happen again. Second, by allowing these crimes to recur and by allowing genocide denial and ignorance to continue, we fail to name these events “mistakes.” We fail to show the world that genocide is truly wrong and evil and intolerable. Until the entire world vows to stop perpetrators of genocide, it will continue.
It is thoughts like that, when I look at all that has gone wrong in the world, that make me wonder where the hope is. I asked a mentor of mine this once when I was feeling hopeless. I was working in an urban setting, in a well-to-do church surrounded by homelessness and poverty, and my mentor was criticizing me for making all my sermons too “fluffy” and not addressing the real issues of poverty. I got frustrated and sort of exploded at him. “Well what am I supposed to say? Where is the good news for these people? Their lives are horrible, they live on the street, they are cold at night and don’t have a pot to piss in! Where is the hope?” He looked at me and said, “The hope is in the people’s response. That is the gospel.”
I have taken that with me and it rang true today. The recurrence of genocide all over the world feels hopeless. It is a problem of colossal proportions. But by making people aware of it, we can hope that they will take action. I don’t necessarily have hope that ethnic cleansing and genocide will cease to be a problem in this world. But after today, after seeing the response of the people walking by us on the street, I have a little more hope that the word will spread and action might follow. I have hope that the efforts made today will have a ripple effect. Even though genocide might happen again, I have hope that there will come a point where the world will finally say, “no more.”

2006-10-27T15:12:00.000-04:00

Today I did a little march into Times Square with a group of students called Journey for Humanity. (will post on this later) They have walked across the entire country to promote genocide awareness and action. I think because I was so exposed to New Yorkers today, in the heart of the city, my mind was focused on how on earth it could be possible to reach out to the ends of the earth with the gospel.

At 3:00 every day, our cathedral bells ring the Armenian hymn "Krisdos ee mech mer haydnestav" which is translated "Christ is revealed among us." It's sung when we pass the kiss of peace during Divine Liturgy. The hymn is an exuberant expression of the joy and peace that rests in the Christian heart with the knowledge that Christ has been revealed to us and is with us: "Christ has been revealed among us! [The One] Who Is, God, is seated here. The voice of peace has resounded; holy greeting is commanded. This Church has now become one soul; the kiss is given for a full bond. The enmity has been removed, and love is spread over us all..." the hymn goes on, but I thought of those words today as the bells rang over the city. I wondered what these 8 million people would think if you told them that. What if that message was really being delivered to them at 3:00 every day? What would a stranger on the street say if you went up to her or him, gave her/him a big hug, and exclaimed, "Christ has been revealed among us! Enmity has been removed, and love is spread over us all!"? Chances are, they'd think you were nuts. Especially in New York City. But the deeper question is, does our faith actually bring that kind of joy into our hearts? It seems so oxymoronic, in a way, that such eternal joy is hidden in the bells that blend in with the rest of the noise of the city - sirens, horns, yelling, clicking of heels - noises consumed and concerned only with the here and now. Maybe that's our journey as Christ's followers in this world, to find the eternal in the here and now, where heaven meets earth. I think that is where joy resides.

2006-10-23T16:54:00.000-04:00

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

2006-10-22T20:08:00.000-04:00

There are times when nothing says it better than a movie quote.
"I am having the worst damn day of my whole damn life, so if you could just do me a favor and BACK THE F*** OFF!!!!"

-- 28 Days

2006-10-11T16:48:00.000-04:00

So I came home early today because I had to meet a repair guy here. He walked in, started working, and his cellphone rang. He talked to his wife for a few minutes, hung up, then asked to turn on the news because a plane just crashed into a building in Manhattan. There was a moment when we both looked at each other, two strangers, and registered a common ground. Here we were, in New York City, getting news about the same event as 9/11. He called his brother, who works in the city, to make sure he was alright. We turned on the news. As we listened, we were so relieved to learn that it was not a terrorist attack, that it was an accident, that our worst fears were not realized. But I was also saddened to hear reports that a few people have died, and that hundreds of people will get back from work and suddenly be homeless. And the most beautiful part is people's response - the news reports had to include comments from the Red Cross to not bring food or clothing because they already had a supply. People want to know how they can help. It's things like this that restore my faith in humanity, just when I'm convinced that people are inherently selfish and bad. It gives me hope when I feel hopeless.

2006-10-10T17:54:00.000-04:00

My heart

is

breaking.

Piece

by

piece.

Pierced by white collars, the parts never to fall into place again.

Hurt. Divided. Forever?

2006-10-05T18:53:00.000-04:00

Every now and then, I get these aching pangs in my heart for those people in my life whom I've loved but for some reason or another have decided no longer to love me back. It's not that I yearn for what used to be; I mourn what is. I mourn because God has given me a heart that cares and just can't stop. But other people are different. Some people can stop loving, and can stop caring. The latter is almost worse. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. Apathy from someone you love kills you on the inside.

When these times come along, I'm always reminded that this is how God must feel about us. God aches and yearns to be loved by us. God "groans in labor pains" for us to be His or Her children. And it's in these moments that I realize, it's not that I want a person to love me in a specific way. I just want that person to love me. In her or his own authentic way. And I think God feels the same way. God wants us to love him/her - not in one specific way, be it Catholic or Orthodox or Protestant, but in our hearts. I think God would be so happy if we just said, simply, "I love you too."

2006-10-03T11:35:00.000-04:00

THIS MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.

No words. Only tears.

2006-09-28T14:52:00.000-04:00

Oh blogger, I have missed you.
It has been a month since I have been without internet access at home and it has driven us apart.
What has happened in that time? Well, I have moved into a new lovely apartment. I dove headfirst into the job which has me travelling every weekend.
And 2 nights ago, I slept funny on my neck and woke up practically immobile. I look like I'm wearing a neck brace. But I'm not.

And I learned that a few friends of mine who are teachers have had students with an interesting name - pronounced either "shi-TAY" or "shi-THEED" - and spelled "shithead."

nice.

2006-08-24T12:35:00.000-04:00

The other day, Forbes magazine published an article by Michael Noer entitled Point: Don't Marry Career Women. The article painted women as "desperate housewives" who want it all (career and family) and end up increasingly dissatisfied. He claims that women would be happier at home, allowing their husbands to be the sole breadwinner and therefore decreasing the chance of divorce. I wrote the following response to the editor, and since there is a likely chance it won't get published (because I'm sure thousands of other people sent in something exactly like it), I am putting it here so that people can still read it.

Michael Noer's article warning men not to marry a career woman was not only extremely biased and chauvanistic, it was ill-informed. First, the cited statistics and sources which report women's dissatisfaction with dual-career marriages fail to consider the other side of the coin: the HUSBAND'S role in the marriage. Mr. Noer conveniently overlooked the fact that women who are dissatisfied with dual-career marriages report that it is because their husbands do not share the household duties. Moreover, many statistics in fact show that a majority of dual-career marriages report a greater sense of freedom because a spouse can take time off work or change jobs if s/he is not satisfied. Lastly, Mr. Noer reveals his own dysfunctional view of the role of a husband by painting "career women" as the sole detriment in a marriage. Let's ask our "career men" to take equal responsibility and stop blaming marriage troubles solely on women who "want it all." The fact remains that every marriage where a true selfless partnership exists, where both spouses want what is best for the other, will have a higher success rate, regardless of who makes the money.

2006-08-24T10:35:00.000-04:00

Thoughts from the subway

On my way home last night, I got into the subway and sat down, tired from a long day. Across from me was a man who, when he realized it was a stop, stumbled up out of his seat, got stuck between the closing doors, then stumbled out of them and went on his way. There were a few things about him that made my thoughts linger on him a bit. First of all, he stunk. I mean, STUNK. His stench lingered longer than my thoughts in the subway car. He was dirty, too. Like Pigpen (from Charlie Brown), there was a cloud of dirt left behind on the seat. He was barefoot and his feet were so dirty you could barely see the flesh underneath. And who knows if he had substance abuse problems. All I know is that I had never smelled anybody so putrid in my life. And all I could think was, Jesus loves this man. If Jesus was sitting on this train right now, he would not be grossed out by this man's stench and filth. He would reach out to him, heal him, love him. This person, who is unlovable to all of us, is loved. What a God we have.

2006-08-21T21:24:00.000-04:00

So things have settled. Family is no longer upset, everyone is happy about my move, and I only have a few more days of being homeless. Also, I met some of the neighbors last night. They're all really nice and welcoming. I can't wait to move in.

This weekend is the long-awaited COUSINS WEEKEND!! L,K,J & C will be partying hard all weekend while G will join in later on. If J&H weren't away on business, it would be perfect. (No, AL, I will never let that one go.)

The only thing that will make the end of this weekend bearable is knowing that I am coming back to the big apple and my very own set of apartment keys! Yes, ladies and jellybeans, I will take up residence in lovely Astoria, NY. Woohoo!

2006-08-20T19:03:00.000-04:00

Having a blog is like keeping a diary for me; I have wonderful intentions of writing in it every day, but it often seems that a week goes by before I remember to write in it again. This time, my absence is marked by the fact that I have been frantically searching for a NYC apartment. Two words: NOT FUN. Half the places you arrange to see get rented before you even get there. A majority never even get back to you when you contact them to say you're interested. Of the ones that you actually do get to see, two out of three of them are U-U-U-U-G-L-Y. Or teeny tiny. Or in a basement. Or all of the above. Or too expensive. Finally, however, I found the perfect (albeit on the small side) apartment. It was the first place I walked into and felt like I was actually home. It was absolutely adorable, brand new, beautiful backyard, laundry on the premises, plenty of parking, clean, wow. We signed for it, went out to celebrate, then walked back to the car and realized that the lovely apartment complex across the street was the projects. Mom's heart sank and took mine down with it. After grappling with stereotypes we bring with us and making sure I would be safe, I think I'm going to take it. But it's made me think, again, about racism in our country and the system we live in that perpetuates these stereotypes. What kind of person am I if I want us to take ACTION to break down racial stereotypes but act in ways that contradict that? Is there integrity in refusing to live near the kind of people I want to help?

Amidst all the thoughts swirling in my head, I feel God calling me to live as Jesus would, without prejudice and with total love for ALL people. This is where we have to put FAITH into ACTION.

2006-08-11T01:24:00.000-04:00

Here Is A Wound

Here is a wound that never will heal, I know,
Being wrought not of a dearness and a death,
But of a love turned ashes and the breath
Gone out of beauty; never again will grow
The grass on that scarred acre, though I sow
Young seed there yearly and the sky bequeath
Its friendly weathers down, far underneath
Shall be such bitterness of an old woe.
That April should be shattered by a gust,
That August should be levelled by a rain,
I can endure, and that the lifted dust
Of man should settle to the earth again;
But that a dream can die, will be a thrust
Between my ribs forever of hot pain.

-- Edna St. Vincent Millay

2006-08-10T16:50:00.000-04:00

I looked at my calendar this morning and realized there are only 2 more days left of camp. We leave on Saturday. I mean, I cognitively knew this information, but it really "hit home" this morning. I can't believe the summer is over already. In a few days I'll be back to cubicle life, searching for an apartment in NYC. It's still so unreal.

I was exhausted today, so I slept for a good portion of the afternoon and thought a lot about my experience this summer. I have been blessed with meeting so many wonderful people, but have also grown apart from others. I have experienced the trial of forgiving people who do not deserve to be forgiven. I have been unjustly mistreated. I have learned a lot about myself. I have grown closer to God. I have seen myself change. I have experienced true fellowship, gathering with others in the name of God. It has been quite a summer. I leave with some sadness in my heart, both for leaving the good times behind and for those relationships which have turned sour that I cannot, no matter what I do, make right because of people's hardened hearts. I leave with a sense of hope, though, as I look forward to a new ministry that awaits me.

2006-08-07T13:52:00.000-04:00

It's one of those days when I say to myself, "THAT'S why I'm doing this."

I had to teach the religion class today because the instructor needed to be elsewhere. I ended up having the most wonderful conversation with our 8-12 year olds about why they like church. To hear a child say, "I feel closer to God when I'm in church" is music to my ears. They all genuinely love church, feel closer to God when they're there, and see something special about it that they can't get anywhere else. I couldn't have taught the lesson better myself.

2006-08-06T11:45:00.000-04:00

I had the chance to preach this morning here at camp. The priest is on vacation and he appointed me to give the Sunday message during our service.

I love love love to preach. I just feel so humbled and full of God's grace and presence in that moment. I love to share my faith, and without trying to sound arrogant, I think preaching is a gift God has given me. It is such a deep joy in my heart.

I can't believe this is our last week of camp. The summer went by so quickly, even though a million things have happened and I haven't seen or talked to my family or friends for almost 2 months now. To think that I'm actually relocating to NYC is still unreal, but it's happening in a week. Crazy.

2006-08-02T23:49:00.000-04:00

Since my last post...

1) I got hit by the "wet bandits" (aka a group of guy counselors threw me into a giant mudpuddle) (I took it as a compliment)
2) The room next to mine flooded
3) I fell and injured my knee
4) I registered 57 campers on Sunday for our third and final camp session
5) I still average 4-5 hours of sleep per night

It has been over 100 degrees the past two days, too, which makes me very crabby. I am indebted to the person who invented air conditioning on days like this. YAWN... time for bed.

2006-07-27T15:34:00.000-04:00

If you can't find a mechanic,
sometimes you just gotta grease your own wheels.

2006-07-26T23:59:00.000-04:00

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

What happens the third time?

2006-07-22T08:50:00.000-04:00

AT THE B&B

aaaahhhhh, the sweet sound of silence in the morning. admittedly the only thing i wish were different is that there is a skylight in my room which lets in WAY too much light WAY too early in the morning. i'm like a cavewoman - i want it dark and quiet. but that is nothing to complain about, considering i leisurely watched a movie last night and then chilled in the whirlpool and had a bubble bath. the air conditioning works great and i have a private bath. a perfect vacation from the craziness of camp for the weekend!

2006-07-19T23:26:00.000-04:00

My bitter pill to swallow

is the

SILENCE

that I keep.

2006-07-18T23:20:00.000-04:00

THE MOSQUITOES HAVE FOUND ME.

I am covered, covered, covered. Eaten alive. One or two of them even found my vardig line, thought it was a buffet table, and had a feast. Now all I want to do is scratch my vorig all day long. Unfortunately, that is rather inappropriate, especially when you're in charge of 100 campers. Well, I guess it's inappropriate anywhere.

2006-07-13T09:46:00.000-04:00

You know how everybody has those moments when you forget why you walked into a room? It's frustrating, to be certain. But what do you do when it happens ALL THE TIME for days on end??? I either need to sleep for the next 3 days or check myself into the local Alzheimer's ward. Does there ever come a point where the brain damage from sleep deprivation is irreversible? I think I may have reached that point, say, yesterday.

2006-07-11T13:46:00.000-04:00

OK so the apartment... not so much. Back to square one. Deal is off. No cigar. ARGH.

I need to vent about something else, something that I keep buried often but which, when it surfaces, hits me like a Mack truck. The worse part is, there is no safe way to vent about this particular thing. I can say, however, that I am beginning to marvel at men more and more. I say this not because any man has done something spectacular, but because I have become acutely aware of what it feels like to completely swallow your feelings about something for an extended length of time. When you are forced to swallow everything you're feeling, it takes its toll on you. You become callous and have to find another outlet for those feelings, which most often has nothing to do with that which you are dealing with, so you never really deal with what's bothering you. It's like trying to stuff too many people onto a subway. Maybe there'll always be a bit more room, but there comes a point where you have squished too many people into a subway car and the ride is terribly uncomfortable. All you can hope is that some people will get off at the next stop so you can have a bit of relief, some breathing room. Because if not, you're just going to have to get used to a cramped ride, which will only make you miserable. That's what it's like when you stuff all your emotions away. Maybe there's room for them, but at some point it gets too cramped inside and you need to make some breathing room so you don't go insane. I guess this is my way of making some breathing room, just talking about how I don't have any. Sigh.

2006-07-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how everyday events become so huge and emotional when you haven't had any sleep.

NYC apartment - signed the lease yesterday. Practically had a panic attack. A normal person would have just gotten carpal tunnel from all the signatures you have to put on paper.

First big business meeting - sat there on edge the entire time. A normal person would have just passed notes with a neighbor until the thing was over.

Hotel reservations for the wedding I'm going to in 2 weeks - almost needed therapy over the phone for assurance it was the right place to book a reservation. A normal person would have whooped for joy that a room with a whirlpool at a nice B&B was still cheaper than the hotel down the street.

Seriously, people, I need some sleep.

2006-07-08T00:50:00.000-04:00

One of the things I will never understand is why people enjoy being cruel. I cannot understand why that is a desire in so many people, the desire to hurt other people, whether it be physically or emotionally. Now I know these are just kids I'm working with, and they still have a lot to learn, but one of the teenage boys told one of the teenage girls she was fat. The girl, of course, is ashamed to be seen in front of people now. And the worst thing is - this girl is FAR from fat. She is your everyday average 13 year old. She has an average, normal body and on top of it is an absolute sweetheart. She has so much soul. One of those kids who is deep beyond her years. But there is nothing anybody can say or do to reverse the effect of that one malicious stupid comment. It hurts me so much to see her feel this way that it makes me cry. And of course, her family has fed it by telling her things like "If you just lost a few pounds, you would look so much better." NOBODY should tell a teenage girl, EVER, that she needs to lose weight and isn't acceptable as she is. NEVER EVER EVER. It will scar her forever, and never for the better. She will develop some kind of eating disorder, guaranteed.

Pain. So much pain.

A shout out to Evanescence today...

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me.

2006-07-03T23:58:00.000-04:00

I AM...

Settling in. Adjusting. Getting used to things. A bit overwhelmed. Very tired. Happy about being at camp. Grateful for my lodging here! Still anxious. A tad depressed. But harboring a sense of hope. Feeling detached. Satisfied by friendships made here. Thirsty. Ready for bed.

2006-06-30T13:15:00.000-04:00

SO... angry

SUCH... heartache

When will the world be ready to receive thy saints? How long, O Lord, how long?

2006-06-21T15:34:00.000-04:00

10 Things I Hate About You
I hate the way you look at me, the chill that's in your gaze
I hate the way you talk to others in friendly, warmer ways
I hate the way I feel when our bodies almost touch
I hate that a simple comment from you still can make me blush
I hate the jealousy that leaps like flames licking at my heart
I hate how closeness makes us feel even further apart
I hate hoping the past will repeat itself despite the trouble it would be
I hate trying to forget you, long after you've forgotten me
I hate seeing your face every night and every day
And I hate the sadness knowing that we're better off this way.

2006-06-20T23:09:00.000-04:00

Where have I been???

In the past month, I have been practically all over the eastern seabord. And not for fun either. BUT... I started my job yesterday, and I'm really excited about living in NYC! I also managed to REALLY piss off some clergy (unintentionally) and had to put out some fires even before my first day of work! Let's just say, I will be much more mindful of the emails I send from now on.

I'm spending this first week of employment living with one of my best friends in the whole wide world, and it's really really fun. She's trusted me with keys to her apartment and everything. It's like the old days when we had sleepovers, except we're tired and have to get up early.

For those of you who aren't aware, I'd like to share something that is startlingly clear this week. Those TV shows that "take place" in NYC - like Friends and Will & Grace - do not, in any way, accurately portray life in the city. Apartments are never that large and you can't possibly afford them based on the jobs these people have. Life is also much more fast-paced and exhausting than you would think from watching the activity in Central Perk. So the next time you see Monica and Rachel or Will and Grace hanging around in that enormous apartment, with all this free time on their hands, just remember, it's not real!

more pearls of wisdom coming soon...

2006-05-30T00:05:00.000-04:00

there's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams

and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and i guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown

and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost

dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper

and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost

unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me

now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels

my bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost

you are shadowing my dreams
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)
(in love with your ghost)

2006-05-29T20:50:00.000-04:00

SO... tired...

2006-05-27T08:41:00.000-04:00

After a lovely week at Springdale, I'm now in Watertown, MA chaperoning Sports Weekend. I love the hotel I'm staying at because it provides free wireless internet. God bless the person who invented wireless internet.

I was starting to regret volunteering to chaperone this weekend, but when I got on the bus I got this jolt of energy. I love being there for kids. I love the responsibility of watching and keeping them, of being an example for them and being God's presence in their lives. It energizes me, brings God's voice alive in my heart. But this weekend becomes an emotional roller coaster because there's things like last night, when everybody's gathered in the church for vespers before they go home. And I stand there, as people are filing in, looking up at the altar where five teenage boys are standing, some of questionable character, vested in their shabigs, preparing for the evening service, and then I listen to them chant and hear the strains of performance in their supposedly worshipping voices, and my heart breaks. Literally. I can feel it aching. Aching to serve God in a more profound way than standing in the back of the church telling kids to stop talking. Aching to lead worship. Aching because I know that the only reason I can't is because of my gender. Aching because I see that faith and moral character are not necessary for boys or men who want to serve. Aching because some of those men and boys who are leaders and examples today are not people I would ever admire or follow. Aching to have true role models of faith in my life. Aching to be inspired by faithful leadership. And I hear the echoes in my head of people asking me whether my new job is going to be enough to satisfy me. And I think, in some ways yes, but in other ways no. I will not be totally satisfied doing "consolation prize" work and ignoring the voice of God in my heart. The heartache will not stop until I do.

2006-05-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

WHAT A WEEKEND! What a whirlwind!

Good things came from it all though:
1) I have a job!
2) One of my closest friends is now married to a great guy who treats her well.
3) One of my best friends had to have doctors cut her open and remove some yucky bad stuff, but now she's all patched up and recovering.
4) I have the whole week off to lounge in a huge beautiful house with a piano room while I dog-sit for two adorable little Dachshunds.

2006-05-18T22:51:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since I've posted on my blog and a bunch has happened.
1) I graduated from seminary!
2) I have interviewed for 2 jobs that seem to want to sign me on!
3) I went to my friends' wedding.
4) I'm going to one of my best friends from college's wedding this weekend.
5) I have a meeting about my summer camp job tomorrow morning.
6) I have become VERY excited about moving to NYC.

Here's a token picture from graduation - me and our seminary president.

2006-05-13T10:34:00.000-04:00

I'M GRADUATING!!!

Today is the big day, and I have about 15 minutes of free time before the craziness begins. Things to note about today:

1) It's sunny, and I'm grateful.
2) If it gets as hot as it was yesterday I will go from zero to cranky in 2.6 seconds.
3) Don't dare me to do things, because I will. (thanks Markareed!)
4) I have the greatest family and friends in the whole wide world.

2006-05-05T14:41:00.000-04:00

You have problems? There are nebulas exploding in outer space!

2006-05-01T07:15:00.000-04:00

Baked Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream potato chips = late night snack of the gods.
With some Red Bull to wash it down.

2006-04-29T23:46:00.000-04:00

Reasons I should not have a blog right now:
1) I am a procrastinator
2) I have a paper due on Monday at 12:30
3) I have been working on the paper for 2 days straight and I'm sick of it
4) I will do anything to not have to work on it at the moment, including posting nonsense on my blog

Thank you, blogger, for aiding and abetting my crime of procrastination.

2006-04-27T22:59:00.000-04:00

Craziness....
The seminary broke today!

It was like 4pm, I was chillin in the library, and the entire campus lost power. The ENTIRE CAMPUS. This has never happened before. What is one to do? Can't find your way around the library, can't use any campus computers, can't make copies, can't do anything! I think it was God saying, "Take a study break!"

2006-04-27T03:06:00.000-04:00

My new best friend.

2006-04-26T00:24:00.000-04:00

I had the privilege to speak at the annual Philadelphia area's Armenian Genocide commemoration on Monday night. I spoke about what the genocide has taught us (the importance of making people accountable for crimes against humanity) and what the genocide still has to teach us (we must be a united people, and that unity is found in Christ Jesus - the divisions we perpetuate are secondary). I was pretty bold but didn't say anything heretical or blasphemous. I spoke the truth, so I felt comfortable being bold in what I said.

And the greatest compliment I got, over and over again, was that I said what everybody else thinks but is afraid to say.

That makes me happy for now.

2006-04-25T18:26:00.000-04:00

INCIDENT AT WAWA

Scene: I and another person are standing outside my car talking, and 2 guys are sitting in their car parked next to mine.

Strange Person: Hey, can I ask you guys a question? My friend and I here were having a little debate.

Me and person I'm with: Uh, sure.

Strange Person: When you are smoking pot, or you're high on something, do your pupils get bigger or smaller?

Me and person I'm with: Uh, I'm not sure, I think bigger.

Strange person: Bigger? (to the guy seated next to him) See, I told you.

Me and person I'm with: Yeah we're not totally sure, but we think the answer is bigger.

Strange person: Yeah that's what I thought too! My buddy's pupils are big as sh** and he's totally sober. Mine are all tiny and I'm the one who's f***ed up! Well anyway, thanks guys.

Me and person I'm with: Sure thing.

Did I mention that Strange Person was in the driver's seat? Yeah, he drove away. TERRIFIC.

2006-04-20T23:47:00.000-04:00

Overheard in class today:

Professor 1 (lecturing to the class): You can't take all these complex ideas and wrap them up in a simple book like Rick Warren does.

Professor 2 (seated behind me, whispering to the person next to her): Who's Rick Warren?

Person: I'm so glad you don't know.

2006-04-20T09:26:00.000-04:00

2 10-page papers + 2 serious due dates + 2 hours of sleep + 2 cans of red bull = the heap of stress sitting in my room.

2006-04-17T17:35:00.000-04:00

This is an email I received from a friend named Sevan Ohanian last week, and I think the world needs to read it. Thanks, SevanO, for permission to post this.

"I would like to pose a question to everyone and get some opinions: Why are Armos so divided?

Think about it. You got Barsgahyes vs. Bolsahyes vs. Hyeastancis vs. Lipanahyes vs. Suriahyes, Tashnags vs. Ramgavars, Diocese vs. Prelacy, ACYOA vs. AYF, my mama's basturma vs. your mama's, etc. Now the whole "kinds" of Armo divisions can probably be explained by cultural and linguistic differences. But what about everything else? Will things ever change?

Is there something in our culture that keeps us divided? Is it some ancient tribal mentality that has been passed down from generation to generation? Hundreds of years ago in the old country, before all of the political schisms that exist today, little Armo communities would war with each other instead of banding together and fighting the real enemy united.

Who is to blame? Our parents' generation perhaps. Are we are to blame for perpetuating this beef? Are we, as young Armenian men and women, going to change this? Are our kids generation? Or are we going to teach them the same things our parents have taught us? Is there anything to right this wrong? Or are we doomed as a united force in this world?

Now on this list is a broad cross-section of Armos who are friends of mine or otherwise ended up on my email address book. There are Tashnags and non-tashnags, ACYOAers and AYFers, Bolsas, Barsgas, Hyeastancis, Lipanahyes, Suriahyes, all on this email. About half of the people on this list are from the DC area, and half from other communities and a few from overseas. I can tell you it is pretty bad here in DC with the whole church split thing. What is it like in your own communities? And some Non-Armos are on this list, and if you have read this far, Does this sort of thing sound familiar in your own ethnic communities?"

I don't think this problem is particular to Armenians, though I don't have the experience and knowledge to publicly comment on other ethnicities. I do think that it's a sad fact of human nature that we pass on things to future generations that they're better off without, though. You could ask this question to the whole Christian church as well, or to any group of people with inner divisions. What keeps us divided? Is it our own pride and refusal to compromise? Hanging on to grudges we ought to have long forgotten? Fear of having to say "I'm sorry?"

The annual commemoration of the Armenian Genocide is coming up, an event which might for one day unite Armenians but for the other 364 days still serves to divide. When will a common past be able to unite us in the future?

PS - at 10pm TONIGHT (April 17) there is a special on PBS about the Armenian Genocide. Tell everyone you know and watch it! Support the recognition and accountability of crimes against humanity.

2006-04-14T12:18:00.000-04:00